Wax on, wax off

Now, look.

I meet a lot of important people. Sometimes I am super excited about what fabulous person gets the opportunity to see me face-to-face, but most of the time the honor is pretty much theirs. So, OMG, I was really taken by surprise when some staff guy told me that I was scheduled to meet a king. Like, wow. (I think this one is actually related to Paula Abdul--bonus! At least they have the same last name.) Anyway, I was totally stoked, but so nervous! I can't adequately express how I felt waiting for this encounter. It was sorta like I had to pee reallllly bad, even though I'd just gone like six times in a row.

Wouldn't you know it, before I had a chance to think about what I'd say, the guy was standing right there in front of me! I realized that no one had told me what I was supposed to do. You people don't understand how much I have to think in this job. It's getting quite ridiculous. Geez, I said to myself, Should I high five it? But I knew that wasn't right. I was starting to internally panic when, suddenly, I realized what I would do if I were facing my real hero--Mr. Miyagi. Dude, that guy was old and he could still take out a bunch of punk-ass teenagers all by his lonesome. What would Daniel-san do? Bow, of course! So that's what I did. It was smooth as silk, baby. I would've patted myself on the back if I hadn't been busy figuring out what brand of footwear the King was sporting while I was down there.

So even though I once again pulled through a very stressful situation without a glitch, I've been hearing through the grapevine all sorts of bogus reasons why I bowed to the Saudi King. Like I'm secretly a Muslim or I'm trying too hard to restore good relations with Saudi Arabians or something. But the reason is more basic than that. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. But I gotta tell you, I think I'm covering up that fact pretty well. And if shaking hands would've been more appropriate--hello!? Next time tell me these things! I'm not a mind reader. Although I am working hard on my meditation skills. Don't be surprised if you see me with a pair of chopsticks trying to catch that fly. Because we all have priorities. And being as cool as Pat Morita definitely tops my list.

Miyagi have hope for me,

President B.O.