Lookin' good!

Now, look.

Everyone should know by now what an incredible specimen of man I am. There are soooo many things about me to love. But if you've yet to fully realize the awesomeness of my being, check this out. I was just a guest on Leno. That's right, folks. Jay Leno. LOL. Take a moment to let that sink in. I know, right? You wish you were me.

First of all, I looked good. I mean, my late night appearance has been all over the news the past couple days, and it's totally because I'm smokin' in that suit. Not to mention the tie. It's red. Red hot! I topped off the look with some really shiny shoes. Nothin' says class like shoes that glisten more than my forehead when I'm minus the teleprompter. Kevin Eubanks had on a suit. I told him he looked good, but really I was thinking, Not as good as me, girlfriend!

I'll have to admit, I was a lit-tle nervous. I mean, I was on T.V.! But I so had nothing to worry about. I was brilliant! I related to the common people by mentioning American Idol, and I totally sounded like I knew what I was talking about on that AIG stuff. Plus, I was hilarious. I mentioned one of my bowling scores from the White House alley, and joked that it was like the Special Olympics or something. Jay looked at me kinda weird, but I think he was just jealous that I had the best zinger of the night.

All in all, I'd have to say it was an unprecedented success. I thought I'd really pulled it off with the corned beef comment, but this, my friends, was pure, unadulterated genius. Let's face it-- with me as head honcho, we are going places. I don't know what I was freaked out about. This President stuff is so easy, even a tard could do it.

Nailed it!

President B.O.

Being the President is too hard

Now, look.

I know it's been awhile since I've posted. This whole leading-the-country gig's turning out to be a bit more work than I thought. I mean, this is like, really hard. I figured I'd be sitting in meetings, signing a few papers, bossing people around, you know. It's so not like that. I've got to make big decisions. Like decisions that affect people. Their lives and stuff. And I could really mess things up. I am starting to feel super stressed. And people wonder why I want to smoke. OMG.

The hardest part is the back-stabbing. That really hurts. For real. I just don't get it. It used to be that everyone was like, "Oh, Obama, we love you! Be our President! We worship you! You the man!" Now just because I've broken a few promises and my stimulus plan has no possibility of actually helping the economy, some of my peeps are getting sorta hostile. I used to think this Messiah thing was pretty sweet, but now it's dragging me down. I am only human, after all. I'm allowed to make a few (dozen) mistakes, right? I don't have experience to speak of. Cut me a little slack, people.

And I just have one question for you. What the hell is an earmark?

On the up side, I'm learning so much from my BFFs. Like about stem cells (just use them in research, it's no biggie) and financial bonuses (dude, everyone at AIG is loving on me now).

So, you know, I might do okay after all. It could happen. Like Bill Pullman said in Independence Day, "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!" Okay, maybe not that last part.

Peace and love,

President B.O.