Did I Say That Out Loud?

Now, look.

It's been a dynamic summer, if I do say so myself. It didn't start out so hot, what with me offing that bug on the air. (LOL! Who gets mad about killing a fly? Like I'm going to waste my valuable time trying to encase an insect in a plastic contraption. That's about as retarded as it gets.) Then there was the day that the teleporter came crashing down. Man, I was sweatin' that one for a sec. Good thing I had a back up or I'd have been speechless! (Ho--get it? Speechless? Ha! Good one, B!) Of course, everyone has forgotten by now that I was checking out the oh-so-fine booty of that Brazilian delegate. Come on. Who's not going to sneak a peek at that? And speaking of hot women, I also kind of forgot where I met my wife Melissa, so I just made some crap up. What's the big deal? She's married to the president. Straight up! Like she's got anything to complain about.

So, all in all, the past three months have been pretty sweet. And the fall promises to be even better. I've actually had time to chillax a bit and watch the tube. The other night I got to see the Video Music Awards. I can't believe that asinine rapper took the mic from that attractive country singer. I even told some reporters my thoughts on that. But it's off the record so we all cool.

The economy's doing better than ever and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is coming out in 3D. Man, I'm livin' the good life now.


I soooo look better than Kanye,

President B.O.