Now, look.The word on the street is that I'm not keeping my promises. Frankly, people, I'm a little tired of hearing it. Want it straight up? I didn't lie. I had my fingers crossed.
Hello?!
If I cross my fingers it doesn't count!
Think about it. There's, like, no way I could ever do all that stuff I talked about. As if! So I got with my homies to come up with a way to keep the masses happy. It's brilliant, really. Even better than my magic marker idea. (I know--hard to fathom, right?) Check out this picture of me. You think I'm just chillin'. But see those fingers tucked under my pit? That's right. They're crossed. And you'd never even know it. I'm telling the photographer that I'll cover his Grammy's mortgage, but at the same time, I'm cancelling it out. It's so clever, I can barely contain myself.
And that's the 4-1-1. Any pledge you think I've reneged on, it's covered. No pork projects? Fingers crossed. Open and transparent government? Digits entwined, baby. 16-month Iraq pullout? Kriss-Kross in the mix. (OMG, that band so totally rocks!) A 5-day waiting period for public review of legislation? ROFL. That's a good one. Like, I can't believe anybody fell for that.
Besides, let's get reals. My peeps are gonna keep on lovin' me cuz I'm the man. We all know it. It's time you got on board the Barack Express. You're all gettin' taken for a ride!
Folks, it's as simple as this. I can't really be counted on for anything. But I look good. And I sound convincing. And I'm the President. What more could you ask for?
(Not) Keeping lobbyists out of the White House,
President B.O.
